When Your Kid is Addicted

Here are some of the myths parents hold on to when dealing with one of their children who is struggling with an addiction:

1. “If only I had . . . ,” or “hadn’t . . . ., my kid wouldn’t be in this situation”  We are convinced that if our “if only” had actually taken place, we wouldn’t be dealing with this problem.  We are sure that the problem is based on our (the parents) failure to have done something, or to not have done something.  We tell ourselves that we were too hard on that child, or we were too easy on him or her.  Or we think we didn’t spend enough quality time with them when they were younger.  But it’s a myth.  The problem probably had nothing to do with you, the parent.  It’s more likely connected to his or her peers.

2.  “My kid would straighten out if only we could find the right . . . .”  The blank could be a program, a counselor, a friend–the list could go on and on.  It is the misbelief that there is some magical person or program out there that if only we could find it, the problem would be resolved.  One family’s child went into nine different treatment programs, before one was successful.  The parents said to me, “Why didn’t we go there first?”  My response was that if that program had been his or her first, it probably would have failed.  It took the combined efforts of all the programs to set the foundation for recovery.

3.  “I owe it to my kid.”  This ties into the guilt the parent is probably struggling with as they deal with our first myth.  The truth is, every parent makes mistakes–no parent is perfect.  In fact, the almost perfect parent can set up problems just as frustrating as the neglectful parent.  God designed parenting so that all we need to be is “good enough.”  Too good and there are problems; too bad and there are problems.  We are to just relax and be good enough.

4.  “My love will fix this kid.”  Or at least, I think it should make a difference.  This is how we become enablers of the problem.  Our love alone usually will not be enough.  Our love needs to be coupled with a tough attitude toward the ongoing problem.  What do we typically do “out of love?”  We protect our kid from the consequences of his or her behavior.  Think about yourself–where have you learned the most about how to live?   We learn how to live by working through our consequences.  Do you love enough to allow your problem kid to live with and work through his or her consequences?

Be a myth-breaker and live by the truth!

Question:  If you’re struggling with the behaviors of one of your kids, which myth is the hardest one for you to break?