How Fathers Influence Their Daughters
In the field of psychology, there is a serious effort on the part of some to minimize the role of the father in the development of his children. There still remains a residual of concern regarding a father’s relationship with his sons, but what about a father’s relationship with his daughters? Here are four important things only a father can do for his daughters:
1. It is the father who creates the foundation for her becoming a woman. Father’s touch their daughters differently than the mother, so much so that some fragile preemies would be endangered by a father’s touch. Touch is the primary sense in newborns and it stimulates the beginning of the development of intelligence, emotional responsiveness self-concept, and body image. The more touch a daughter receives at this stage from her father, the higher will be her self-esteem later. Even in the first weeks of life, an infant can recognize the difference between the touch of a mother and the touch of a father.
2. The father enhances the maturation of his daughter by his involvement with her. One of the issues for daughters is how to separate from mother. Sons don‘t have that struggle, for during the “twos” a son finds he is more like his father than his mother. But daughters are female just like mother and so how does a daughter know she is not one with the mother? It takes a father to be the alternative parent figure so she can identify with him and resolve the sameness pull of her mother.
3. Fathers give daughters a sense of reality about themselves. As as little girl grows up and starts to become a woman, his acceptance of her femininity allow her to accept her own feminine self. It’s a continuation of the development of her sexual identity. As a man, he teaches her the value of being a woman, not just by how he treats her, but by what she observes in his treatment of her mother.
4. The father empowers his daughter to competency. One of the interesting findings in the research is that when a father teaches her two things usually reserved for the father with his sons, she will become a competent and successful adult. The two things are 1.) he teaches her how to work with wood, and 2.) he shows her how to make paper airplanes. I’ve watched my oldest son do both with his daughters, and they are strong, competent women!
There’s an interesting book I read years ago titled, The Road from Coorain. It is Jill Conway’s story of how she grew up on a massive sheep ranch in Australia. When her brothers grew up and left home, she had to ride a horse with her father and do everything her brothers had done with the sheep. As an adult, she became president of Smith College and now teaches at MIT. She’s an example of a daughter whose father taught her competency. It’s a good book for fathers to read about daughters.
Question: What surprised you the most in terms of these four important things a father does with his daughters?
Thank you for the article on fathers and daughters! My dad enjoyed taking my sister and I fishing with him. Lots of good bonding time there at the lake (and I learned how to put a worm on a hook – ick!). He also got a real kick out of tickling us and making us laugh with glee. We have both grown up to be reasonably competent women and I do think that’s in large part due to my father’s loving, Christian influence. He’s with the Lord now and I miss him everyday.
Its very interesting to see how the father can teach his daughter competency through making airplanes and working with wood. If I ever have a daughter, we are going to have a great time making airplanes. Dr. Stoop, you have a strong interest in developmental psychology, which is so enlightening. And lastly, you pointed out that some people are beginning to downplay research that says that fathers are important to a daughters development. I knew this revision of developmental research would eventually occur because of the attempt to redefine the family. Thanks for your excellent articles.