Family Inc.

Some years ago, I read Bruce Feiler’s book Walking the Bible, which recounts his walking the path of Abraham, and the the path of the Israelites in the desert.  A great book!  Now he has a new book with a long title:  The Secrets of Happy Families:  Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go out and Play, and Much More.  I haven’t picked it up yet, but enjoyed a review of it in the Wall Street Journal.  In the WSJ article, there is a large picture of a family organizational chart with the father as the CFO, the mother as the CEO, and the children as directors and managers.  Even the pets are included as a Rodent Removal Engineer (the cat) and a Chief Security Officer (the dog).

Feiler refers to something new in business called “agile development,” which started in Japan and is now used by businesses in over 100 countries.  It’s a system that encourages ideas from teams of workers who meet together weekly.  But Feiler’s point is that many have taken this concept and applied it to family.  At the heart of the concept is for the family to hold weekly family meetings.

Years ago, Rudolph Dreikurs, who developed the discipline concept of “logical consequences,” also promoted the idea that families hold weekly meetings together, so I guess there is really nothing new under the sun.  But Feiler gives some new twists that sound exciting.

Here are some of the great ideas:

1.  Hold your family meeting on Sundays and focus on three questions:

•   What went well in the family this week?
•   What didn’t go well in the family this week?
•   What will we agree to work on this coming week?

2. Families who do this consistently have found that the children are empowered to be more responsible  in the family.  Since they have a voice, they cooperate.  They have also found that when the meeting is run openly and fairly, the parents are more accessible to the children, and as a result are more flexible with the children.

3. Other important things noted in the review was the encouragement to be open with the children about finances in the family.  The parents also need to let the kids make mistakes–that’s how they learn.  And don’t hesitate to put the kids to work within the family.

4.  Here’s the one I really liked.  Develop a mission statement for the family.  What’s important about your family?  One family’s mission statement said “Our family works to contribute our unique, God-given gifts to improve the lives of others and the world.”  Years ago, Jan and I developed a mission statement for us–”To be facilitators of healing in people’s relationships.”  I wish we had written a mission statement for our family.

Question:  How might you put some of these ideas into practice in your family?  I would like to have your comments on how it goes.