But What if Now You’re the Father?

But What if Now You’re the Father?

We spent four postings on looking at how our relationship with our father related to the way we handle anger now as an adult.  In this posting, I want to look at what we can do as fathers to help prevent our children from developing anger that is out of control, or turning their anger inward.  I wonder if you, as a father, understand the power you’ve been given to make a difference in your kids’ lives.

Let’s begin by looking at the one thing that only a father can do–give to a son and/or a daughter a “father’s blessing.”  It takes a father to do it.  In the Old Testament, the father’s blessing was extremely important.  Look at what happened when Jacob stole the father’s blessing meant for his brother Esau.  Esau’s reaction was to vow to kill his brother Jacob.  That’s how critical it was to receive a father’s blessing!

We don’t call it the “father’s blessing” very often today.  It’s more like we speak about getting our dad’s “approval.”  Whether it’s a dad’s approval, or a father’s blessing, for both sons and daughters it makes the transition into adulthood possible.  Allow me to make three points:

1.  The blessing of the father not only launches their child into adulthood, it can also be what launches a son or daughter into puberty, or a child into middle school,  It can be defined as launching both sons and daughters into the next phase of their development.  Ed McGlasson comments on someone interviewing men in prison and asking if their fathers had predicted they would be in prison.  Without exception, each man said his father had “blessed” him with the message that he was headed to prison.  Words have great power–be careful what you predict for your kids.

2.  A father’s blessing at each stage of development sets the direction of their lives.  Why not develop traditions in your family that highlight shared  values and commitments.

We talked with one son who had a special ring–it was a family ring.  Every son or daughter in that family got their own family ring when they turned 16.  On the ring were symbols that represented some value the family held to, and was a reminder to that young person that they belonged to a family had shared values and commitments.   Daughters are often given a “promise ring” as they enter puberty, as a promise to maintain sexual purity.  Again, it is a tangible reminder of being and sharing in the family’s values.

3.  Give the blessing publicly.  Don’t share your pride in your children only with your friends.  I’ve had many people tell me that the only way they knew their father was proud of them was that they overhead  him bragging about them to one of his friends.  Make it a public declaration in front of your kids.  It won’t create a false sense of pride, I promise.  It lets them know that they are accepted and are the recipient of their father’s blessing.

Question:  Did you get your father’s blessing?  If so, how was it expressed?  if not, what effect do you think it has had on your life?