Are You a Blabbermouth?
We all do it at times. We end up sharing too much with someone, and then wonder later why we gave so much information to that person. It seems to be happening a lot these days, and some researchers are blaming it on Reality TV, or Facebook, or other social media, or some combination of all of them. That may be true, but it seems there is more going on than the influence of the media.
Most experts on communication seem to agree that it is more due to our subconscious attempt to control our anxiety in a given situation. In conversations, we spend a lot of energy watching for reactions in the other person. We try to look like we know what we’re talking about, that we are articulate, etc., and that concern takes a lot of our emotional energy. There’s little left to monitor what we are saying, especially if we are not getting the response we want from our listener. All you can do is offer a short, sincere apology.
Typically, when we aren’t getting the response we want, we’re picking up rejection clues. Or we may have said something that didn’t sit right with our listener. We then share too much in an attempt to reestablish connection. At times,. that may work, but usually it doesn’t. And then we share some more, or we go off feeling like an idiot for sharing too much and wondering what the listener is thinking about us now.
It also has a lot to do with how secure we feel in our connected relationships. There are four basic attachment styles–ways we connect with others. Only about 55% of us feel secure in our connected relationships. This 55% are least likely to share too much. About 15% are avoidant in their attachment style. They are the Lone Rangers who believe they are basically self-sufficient. They don’t share too much very often, for they are often unaware that a social situation might call for it. But when anxious, they might react and say too much..
That leaves 30% who are either anxious, fearful, or some combination of these in their attachment styles, and these would have a strong tendency to share too much. They are the ones, who when asked a question, typically go into long answers that cover the answer and then some.
What’s the solution? Simple. One thing, after the fact offer a simple apology. Or do as every mother tells her children: Stop and think before you engage mouth!
Question: When you last shared too much, what do you think caused that to happen?