The Brain of a Lonely Person

The Brain of the Lonely Person

How do our life experiences and environment feed into our feelings of loneliness?  By affecting the chemistry of the brain, which in turn affects what happens in our genes.  One of the hormones released under the stress of loneliness is epinephrine, which tends to arouse us.  But it also increases our experience of frustration and emotional pain.  Cortisol is also available in abundance in our system, and both negatively affect the genetic expression in our body.

What we lack when we continually experience loneliness is oxytocin, the comfort and connecting hormone.  Without connection with another person, our output of oxytocin is limited.  A little gets released into our system when we are eating, but its primary release mechanism comes when we connect in a deeper way with another person.

Studies have shown that when a mother breast-feeds her baby, oxytocin is released in both the baby and the mother.  The mother-baby bond is built around the mutual release of oxytocin into their systems.  Oxytocin is also a calming hormone which allows us to better regulate our emotional reaction to our experiences, especially the experience of feeling isolated.

Serotonin is another brain substance that is related to comfort and to the elevation of our mood.  It’s interesting, though, that too much serotonin works the opposite way and sends us into a state of despair.  The balance of all of these brain substances causes certain genes to activate and others to shut down.  And they can provide either higher anxiety or calm and comfort.

All these chemicals especially affect the amygdala–our brain’s warning system.  They also affect the hippocampus and other regions in the brain that help us connect with other people.  There is also a region in the brain called the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex.  When we experience physical pain, that part of the brain registers the pain and allows us to experience it.  What researchers have found is that the pain of loneliness is registered in that same part of the brain.  This means that we experience the emotional pain of loneliness in the same way we would experience physical pain.  That is why it is so difficult to escape from the reality and pain of loneliness.  It is similar to the same deeply disruptive hurt as breaking a bone in our body.

Next, we will look at the difference between loneliness and depression.

Question:  What do you think are some other things that might make us vulnerable to loneliness?

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4 Responses to The Brain of a Lonely Person

  1. Joey Conner says:

    Thank you for this blog. I try to listen to New Life Live every day. I met you and your wife in TN a couple years ago and you took a picture with me, and I hope to see you again in the DC area next month! I am a student of psychology, and you are a mentor of sorts to me! What else makes us vulnerable to loneliness? I think, like you said in your last post, “Are You Lonely”, it is very interesting that feeling lonely does not actually correspond with how lonely someone is. To me, that truth immediately points to deeper hurts and wounds from the past. Something is keeping lonely people from connecting to other people. Maybe they are afraid to open up to genuine relationships. Maybe they have shame and feel unworthy of real meaningful relationships.

    Thank you again for sharing your skills and wisdom through this blog! It is a blessing!

  2. andy says:

    Shame. Withholding forgiveness towards someone or feeling unforgiven by someone. Physical isolation. Guilt. Difficult behavior and emotional isolation from loved ones or by loved ones. Lack of spiritual growth and lack of belief in an almighty forgiver and savior. Attachment disorders. Personality disorders. Lack of strong personal boundaries. Poor social skills. Inability to trust. delusions. Those are just a few things that come to mind when thinking of things that cause or make us feel lonely.

  3. Debbie says:

    A big factor that leads to loneliness is a broken family. It impacts your whole outlook on connecting with others, connecting with God, your value as a person, everything. Your family should be a place where you are accepted & appreciated unconditionally. When that breaks down we are more prone to isolation & depression & less likely to reach out to others to alleviate the loneliness.

  4. Juda says:

    Very interesting article. I’m not sure when I chose isolation as a way of life, but I’ve lived that way even though I grew up in a big family. My mom breast fed all her children, but it is probable that she did so for short durations as she became pregnant at short intervals.

    Even though I’ve maintained my friends over the years, some since early childhood, I’ve never had a “best” friend and find it very hard to connect in a way that drives loneliness away. I could be with my family and friends with whom I’m close and feel lonely.

    That is why I find the article interesting, because it points to something at the hormonal level to be responsible for the inability to connect readily. The question for me is – what can be done about it? Sometimes I fee like I will die from it someday.

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